By Daisy S. Vergara, LMHC, RPT-S
Back-to-school anxiety in children is common, especially as kids adjust to new teachers, schedules, classmates, and expectations. A little nervousness can be part of a normal transition, but parents often wonder when anxiety may be a sign their child needs more support.
Back-to-School Transitions Can Bring Big Feelings
A new school year brings changes in routines, expectations, teachers, classmates, and separation from caregivers.
Even children who usually enjoy school may feel nervous before returning. Your child may suddenly have a stomachache Sunday night. They may ask who will pick them up from school three times before bedtime. Or your usually independent child may start saying, “I don’t want to go.”
Some back-to-school anxiety is expected. The key is looking at how intense it is, how long it lasts, and how much it interferes with everyday life.
What Does Normal Back-to-School Anxiety in Children Look Like?
Temporary anxiety is often part of adjusting to a new routine.
You may notice your child:
- Asking repeated questions about school
- Wanting more reassurance from you
- Having mild trouble falling asleep
- Feeling butterflies or having an occasional stomachache
- Being more emotional, irritable, or clingy
- Worrying about a new teacher or classmates
- Feeling nervous about finding classrooms, lunch, recess, or riding the bus
- Saying they do not want summer to end
- Having some tears at drop-off, especially during the first few days
These reactions are usually less concerning when your child can still attend school, settles after reassurance, and continues enjoying friends, play, family activities, and other parts of life.
You should also see the anxiety gradually decrease as the new routine becomes more familiar. For example, young children often communicate anxiety through their behavior rather than saying, “I feel anxious.”
For many families, back-to-school anxiety in children starts to improve once routines become familiar.
When Anxiety May Be More Than a Normal Transition
Sometimes anxiety continues or becomes more intense instead of easing with time. You may want to pay closer attention if your child is experiencing:
- Anxiety that continues or increases several weeks into school
- Frequent stomachaches, headaches, nausea, or other physical complaints before school
- Regular crying, panic, or intense distress around school
- Refusing to go to school or repeatedly asking to stay home
- Difficulty separating from caregivers that interferes with school attendance
- Trouble sleeping most nights
- Nightmares or significant changes in bedtime behavior
- Major changes in eating
- Increased irritability, anger, meltdowns, or withdrawal
- Losing interest in friends or activities they normally enjoy
- Constant worries about making mistakes, grades, friendships, or something bad happening
- Anxiety affecting the whole family’s morning or evening routine
- Saying they feel unsafe, unwanted, bullied, or afraid at school
A simple way to think about it is to consider three things:
Intensity: How big is the reaction?
Frequency: How often is this happening?
Impact: Is anxiety getting in the way of school, sleep, friendships, family life, or activities?
If back-to-school anxiety in children begins interfering with sleep, school attendance, friendships, or family life, additional support may help.
Remember: Behavior Can Be Communication
Anxiety does not always look like fear.
For many children, especially younger children, it can show up through behavior such as:
- Defiance
- Anger
- Meltdowns
- Avoidance
- Perfectionism
- Procrastination
- Clinginess
- Frequent requests to use the bathroom or visit the school nurse
- Suddenly saying, “I hate school”
Instead of only asking, “How do I stop this behavior?” it can help to wonder: “What might my child be trying to communicate?”
That small shift can help you respond to what may be happening underneath the behavior.
What Parents Can Do at Home
Keep routines predictable
Consistent bedtimes, wake-up times, meals, and morning routines can help school days feel more manageable and predictable.
Talk about school without interrogating
Instead of repeatedly asking, “How was school?” try questions such as:
- “What felt easiest today?”
- “Was there anything that felt hard?”
- “Who did you sit with?”
- “What was something funny that happened?”
Some children open up more easily when questions feel specific and low-pressure.
Validate without reinforcing avoidance
You might say:
“It makes sense that you feel nervous about your new class. New things can feel scary. And I know you can do hard things while I help you through it.”
This acknowledges the feeling while also communicating confidence in your child.
Prepare for specific worries
If your child is nervous about where to go, practice the route.
For lunch worries, talk through what lunchtime will look like.
You can also practice simple ways to join a game or start a conversation if making friends feels stressful.
Create connection after school
Some children hold themselves together all day and fall apart once they get home. Before jumping into homework or asking lots of questions, they may need:
- A snack
- Quiet time
- Movement
- Play
- Connection with you
For Younger Children: Use Play Instead of Relying Only on Talking
Young children may not yet have the words to explain what they are feeling.
Play can give them another way to communicate.
You can try:
- Playing “school” with dolls or stuffed animals
- Reading books about starting school
- Drawing what school feels like
- Creating a picture of their classroom
- Role-playing drop-off
- Asking a stuffed animal what it might be worried about
Sometimes a child will tell you through a stuffed animal what they cannot yet tell you directly.
When Should a Parent Consider Counseling?
You do not have to wait until your child is in crisis before asking for support.
Consider reaching out if:
- Anxiety is interfering with school attendance
- Your child seems distressed most days
- Symptoms are becoming worse instead of improving
- Anxiety is affecting sleep, eating, friendships, or family routines
- You have tried supportive strategies and still feel stuck
- Your child has experienced bullying, major family changes, loss, trauma, or another significant transition
- You simply feel that something has changed and want help understanding what your child needs
Early support can help families better understand what is happening before anxiety becomes more disruptive.
How Ohana Can Help During the Back-to-School Transition
At Ohana Behavioral Health, we support children and families experiencing:
- Anxiety
- School-related stress
- Emotional regulation difficulties
- Family transitions
- Peer or friendship concerns
- Parenting challenges
For younger children, therapy may include play therapy, expressive arts, sandtray, and parent involvement because children often communicate differently than adults.
For older children and teens, therapy may include helping them:
- Talk through worries
- Develop coping skills
- Understand anxious thoughts
- Build emotional awareness
- Strengthen confidence
In addition, parents can also be an important part of the process. Supporting a child often means supporting the adults around them too. Our therapists can help parents understand what they are seeing, respond to anxiety with connection and appropriate boundaries, and develop strategies that fit their child and family.
Give the Transition Some Time, but Trust What You’re Noticing
At the same time, a little nervousness at the beginning of the school year is common. When anxiety begins taking over your child’s days—or your family’s—you do not have to figure it out alone.
For more ideas on helping children adjust, the Child Mind Institute offers additional tips for managing back-to-school anxiety.
Looking for support for your child or family this school year?
Ohana Behavioral Health supports children, teens, parents, adults, couples, and families in Renton, with telehealth options across Washington when appropriate
